Archive Monthly Archives: December 2018

‘Fake news’ was just named the official word of the year, or was it?

Image: GETTY/@POLITIFACT TWITTER COMPOSITE

After a conspiracy theory about Hillary Clinton running a child sex ring inside a Washington D.C. restaurant resulted in a North Carolina man taking a gun in to “investigate,” it seemed inevitable that “fake news” would define 2016.

And now it’s official, with the word being chosen as Macquarie Dictionary’s word of the year. If you don’t laugh, you might cry.

Pronounced “fayk ‘nyoohz” (for those of you who just returned from Mars), the word became notorious after debates about bogus websites publishing false or hyper-partisan news on social media blew up in 2016. America is now learning what it’s like to deal with a political administration that routinely spreads fake news itself.

The dictionary defines the plural noun as “disinformation and hoaxes published on websites for political purposes or to drive web traffic, the incorrect information being passed along by social media.”

Susan Butler, editor of Australia’s Macquarie Dictionary, told Mashable the committee looks at two main concerns when choosing the word of the year: A clever coinage, something that involves a bit of word play, and also a word that’s socially significant.

“In that category, they thought that ‘fake news’ was the thing that had the most far reaching consequences for us all,” she explained. “Having the facts right is the bed rock of news publishing, and suddenly we’re in a world where anyone can claim to have the facts.”

For those of you that come at the dictionary complaining that “fake news” actually two words, you’re wrong. That’s fake news, as it were.

Let Butler explain: “The most common way in which English forms new words is by taking two separate words and smashing them together. In the past, this togetherness may have been recognised by a hyphen or one solid word, but more recently, the tendency has been for English to throw out punctuation of all sorts.”

This is what linguists call a “lexical unit.” You may know what “fake” is and what “news” is, but you can’t necessarily work out the meaning of the compound. It’s more than the sum of its parts, and that’s why it’s in the dictionary.

Runner up words included “halal snack pack” a word and culinary concept that has yet to make to it big globally.

A mix of hot chips and halal doner kebab meat, along with garlic, chilli and barbecue sauces, a combo affectionally known as “the holy trinity,” the word has also become symbolic of a type of cheeky, affectionate multiculturalism.

The halal snack pack combines foods of significance to both Australia’s Muslim and Anglo communities, and even caused a minor political altercation between Labor politician Sam Dastyari and right wing Senator Pauline Hanson.

According to Dastyai, halal snack pack was “robbed.”

“Enby” was another chosen by the committee. A term for someone who doesn’t identify as male of female, they wrote that “Enby is an interesting construction; it has moved from the abbreviation NB (for non-binary) to a word in its own right.”

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100 Stupidly Simple Statements That Will Help You Get Over A Guy

1. You only lost something you never had. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. All that you lost was an idea you had about what one version of your future have been.

2. You are now free to find someone better.

3. It is so hard to leaveuntil you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.

4. Don’t you feel free now?

5. Youll realize you werent who you were supposed to be when you were with him, you were who he wanted you to be.

6. You can no longer rely on him to distract you from the person you know you need and want to become.

7. You have time and energy to focus on selfish pursuits that will improve your quality of life for decades to come.

8. Now you know that the things you choose to have in your life are there because you choose them, not because of how they look to another person, or what they like.

9. You have more money now, no more buying and feeding for two.

10. You have time to rebuild relationships with the people who will never leave you — friends and family members.

11. Not to be vulgar, but as Violet Benson says, “dick is free, you can get that shit anywhere.”

12. You can be anyone you want to be now. No one is attached to the old you requiring that you to remain that person they fell in love with.

13. You are now free to experience again the extreme pleasure of kissing a stranger.

14. You are now free to dream bigger than the very flawed person you were kind enough to fall in love with.

15. Nobody owns you now.

16. You could leave, right now, and drive for hours and not have to tell anyone. No checking in.

17. You can spend $30 getting a grilled cheese sandwich and a bottle of wine delivered to your house to be consumed while watching reruns for the hundredth time and wearing a face mask and getting a little buzzed before wandering around your apartment belting Jewel as loud as you want. No one will judge.

18. You can do whatever they hated to do. You can go out dancing or eat Indian food or let yourself be too messy (or too clean).

19. You have more options in your future now.

20. Every breakup and rejection is a second chance in disguise. You get to do better next time. You get to pick better next time.

21. You lost someone who didn’t want to keep you. Think about that hard and then say ‘good riddance’ while you look for someone who understands quality when it’s right in front of them.

22. You are now free to find someone who is as generous as you are: “Ive had it with all stingy-hearted sons of bitches. A heart is to be spent.”

23. No one is ‘the one.’ Open your eyes and realize there are so many people around you with potential, removing one person from the list of prospects decreases the overall chances you will find love by an insignificant margin:

24. This advice can be found in song form here.

25. What if you spent the rest of your life fighting for him to love you instead of doing the brave thing and moving on?

26. What a great excuse to get off social media for a few months and take a breather away from other people’s opinions.

27. Now you can sleep diagonally across your bed.

28. And not deal with his snoring.

29. There is no greater time to listen to music than when you are heartbroken. Your situation right now is practically the whole reason music and art exist in the first place. Embrace it. Make a million playlists about moving on. Listen to this one. Sing out loud. Sing in the shower. Sing in your car. Feel like the baddest bitch in the world. Think about how everything exciting in your life is in front of you and everything you miss about your ex you get to experience again, soon, with someone new.

30. Think about who you were before you met him and who you are now. Thank him for being a teacher — even if you were the one that had to teach yourself not to love someone like him.

31. Struggle makes you a better person:

“The harder you slam a ball into the ground, the higher it bounces back up A divorce, a breakup, losing a job, or just feeling seriously down can ground you, rough you up a bit, leave calluses on your feet and grit under your finger nails. But more than that, it leaves you wiser and stronger next time.” — Laurel House

32. When you meet the right person, you will appreciate them more — because you know how much you suffered to get to that point.

33. No one is as happy in a relationship as they lead themselves to believe when they want it to work out. Now you are free to see him without rose-colored glasses. Now you can see what wouldn’t have worked and adjust your standards for future men accordingly.

34. You have time to take a cooking class now. Or learn a new language, or get into fitness and get ripped.

35. You don’t have to cook man-friendly food anymore. Every night can be rice and avocado if you want it to be.

36. The only opinion you have to consider is your own.

37. The only permission you need to do something is your own.

38. 98. You know that he has it far worse than you do — he lost .

39. Think about how exciting it is to sleep with someone new and how eye-opening it is to discover a whole new world of things someone else likes/is good at doing. You’re not tied to the guy who didn’t/wouldn’t do that one thing you like anymore.

40. You get to remember the incredible joy of hanging out with mostly women.

41. This could be the universe telling you it’s time to get a dog.

42. The worst has happened. You loved someone and they didn’t love you back. So what? You’re still alive. You made it. You’ve proven that you are not so easily destroyed.

43. You can pick up a job, or multiple jobs and spend your free time hustling to get closer to the life you’ve dreamed of.

44. There’s no pressure to go out, if you like to stay in.

45. There’s no pressure to stay in, if you like to go out.

46. Your best friend can sleepover in your bed again and you can wake up at 4am and giggle about nothing in particular.

47. You have the freedom to travel, no strings attached.

48. You no longer have to waste your precious time guessing:

“If you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they dont. Its not that complicated. Love, in most cases, betrays the one feeling it. Dont waste moments waiting and wondering. Dont throw away your time dreaming of someone that doesnt want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up.” — Donna Lynn Hope

49. You don’t have to share your bathroom with a man.

50. No one steals the covers or your pillow in the middle of the night. No one wakes up earlier than you. No one suffocates you with their body heat. You can keep your bedroom freezing because you like to be a little bit cold and snuggle into the duvet.

51. You got shaken out of your complacent life. You’re forced to reimagine and reevaluate what you want. What a blessing. Now you can see whether you really want to be on the path you’re currently on.

52. It’s easy to think about your first boyfriend and realize that he was nothing to cry over either. You wouldn’t want him today, he wasn’t right but you were young and crushes make everything hard to be logical about. You’ll feel the same way about this guy in 10 years.

53. You now have time to work on yourself so you are worthy of the right person, when you meet them.

54. This is the universe holding onto your shoulders, gently shaking you, and saying “dream bigger.”

55. What if you put all the energy you put into trying to make the wrong person love you into trying to the right person?

56. Maybe the point of dating him wasn’t to find lasting love. Maybe the point of dating him was to show how capable of love you are.

57. “If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.”

58. The only person who will make you feel guilty is yourself.

59. Instead of constantly feeling like you are not enough, you get to prove that you are.

60. Imagine how much times you saved by breaking up with this person now and not in 6 months — or 6 years from now.

61. You get to realize that your self worth doesn’t depend on what you can do for other people, how easily you can find a home inside them. Your self-worth comes from how much you can give, not how much you can receive.

62. Going home for family events can be about family again, not about making another person feel comfortable.

63. You learn all the things you didn’t learn because you were with someone who could already do them. You learn to cook for yourself, how to update your professional website, how to do your taxes — you will become more self-sufficient because you have to rely on yourself. This means that when the next guy comes around, you have more to offer.

64. You’ll set better boundaries next time. Did you let him come over too often? Did you always drive? Did you establish a precedent that it was totally okay with you if you didn’t orgasm during sex? Whatever it is that you let slide — you’ll realize how to ask for what you need next time.

65. You can watch or and belly laugh and it will feel better than it’s ever felt before.

66. You’ve learned that love is something you can lose. When you find a love that’s worth not losing, you’ll fight like hell to keep it.

67. You will not, for the foreseeable future, have to listen to anything in the car besides exactly what you want to hear.

68. No more ever, unless it’s because that’s what want to watch.

69. You can work as much as you want to and no one will call you a workaholic or tell you they don’t see you enough or complain about your work life balance.

70. You can watch or or and no one will make fun of your choices.

71. It’s the perfect excuse to buy some really nice sex toys and learn how to give yourself the best orgasm of your life.

72. You get to feel a weight lifted off your shoulders as you let go of the burden of having a man in your life. It doesn’t matter if he remembers to call his mom on her birthday, or whether he buys a gift for his sister’s baby shower, or whether goes to the doctor when he really should. It’s no longer your responsibility to worry about him.

73. Going out is exciting again. There’s potential everywhere.

74. There’s a reason people always talk about low points being the best thing that ever happened to them.

75. When you get dressed in the morning, you don’t think about what someone else will like. You just pick out what feels good. You’ll spend your whole day feeling happier and more *you* because your criteria is simply your own happiness.

76. As much as you feel sad, you also feel relieved.

77. There are worse things than being unhappy in love — like being unhappy with yourself.

78. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who was stupid enough to let you go?

79. You can’t do anything about the way other people feel on you. This breakup is forcing you to learn the one lesson that will have the greatest impact on your happiness for the rest of your life: the way other people feel about you is not your responsibility.

80. Think of all the doors you closed because you were with him. Consider which ones you want to open again.

81. You got to love someone. No one can take that away from you. Even a person who didn’t love you back.

82. You can do better:

83. Every ending is also a beginning. You get to decide what kind of beginning it is.

84. You can stop feeling guilty about making more money than him or whatever way he felt your shine took away from his.

85. Inevitably, you build your life around the person you are dating. When they leave, you get to build it around the things you actually like.

86. By saying goodbye to someone who doesn’t love you as much as you love them, you are closer to saying hello to someone who does.

87. Just because something ends doesn’t mean it was a failure. “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”

88. Very few things in life will feel as good as deleting his number from your phone will.

89. It sounds like you have a very good excuse to have a very big party and make some very questionable decisions.

90. Breaking up with someone causes panic and sadness because we have been rejected. Our egos hurt. But we can’t confuse that with feeling panicked or sad about not having this person in our lives anymore. Our egos will heal, we will learn to let go, we will move on. Recognize the source of your feelings and just feel them without any self-judgement attached. There are worse things in life than an ego bruise — like ending up with the wrong person.

91. It’s much lonelier to be the person who can’t accept love than it is to be the person who can love someone who doesn’t love them back.

92. When you meet the right person you will look back at this rejection as the best thing that ever happened to you.

93. “This relationship wasn’t the very best relationship you can have, so why waste another fucking second on it.”

94. You showed yourself that you are strong enough to do one of the hardest things we do on this planet: open up to another person. That’s enough, to start with.

95. One day soon you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and everything in your life will feel like and you will be so happy and proud that you have gotten yourself to where you are. Your accomplishments are now completely your own.

96. All the energy you once expended making happy can now be completely devoted to making happy. If you’re like most women, this is a lot of fucking energy.

97. Every breath is a beginning. Breathe in and out. Breathe in your new life, breathe out your old one with him. Think about everything you are going to create when he is fully detoxed from your system. A newly single woman is a force to be reckoned with.

98. We think of forest fires as these devastating events that we need to stop, but they are actually vital to ecological health of an area. There are plants that require the heat of a wildfire for their seeds to burst open and plant themselves in the earth. There are others that are meant to be flammable, so that fires quells competition. As it turns out, forests are made to have a periodic cleansing by fire. Your heart is made this way, also.

99. Remember that time you got really excited about something you’re passionate about and then stopped yourself and said “sorry, this must be boring for you” and he didn’t correct you? Imagine what it would be like to love someone who didn’t make you feel like you needed to apologize for what you love.

100. You lost him, but you didn’t lose the most important thing, you didn’t lose yourself.

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The Sneaky Mistress Wrecking Your Marriage

Opinions will differ. Some women will be flabbergasted at the thought, but many others are more accepting. The majority see it as an innocent substitution for when they cannot please their spouse, or perhaps even a great way to spice up their sex life. Some couples watch it together, while other women just see it as something men will do regardless. As if men are animals without control over their own sexual restraint. I recently saw this overwhelming acceptance of porn played out on a social media discussion and it saddened me so much. I realized it broke my heart because I once used to feel the same way.

I said as much to my spouse when he couldn’t understand why women didn’t see a problem with porn. I had in front of me a rare man, a lover of Jesus, who understood that pornography was demeaning to men and women alike, so I had to explain the way I used to think to him.

I used to not see a problem with porn. In fact, in all honesty, I enjoyed it. I used to watch it with my ex-husband, and porn was just a normal part of our relationship. As a wife, I wanted to keep my man happy, and if that meant being cool with strip clubs and nudie flicks then that was what I did. I thought that was normal. I thought it was healthy. I thought it was good for my marriage. But I was wrong.

The eyes are windows to the soul, so when you allow images to enter your heart that shouldn’t be there you will be negatively affected. You might not realize it at first, but eventually it wreaks havoc on your relationship. It’s poison. It’s a fantasy that you can never emulate, not that I’m sure why any of us would want to.

Pornography gives you a false sense of sex. It takes out the love and makes it all about physical pleasure, and that’s not what marriage is at all. Porn doesn’t allow real people with real problems that must be worked out. It doesn’t deal with body image issues postpartum, but instead creates an unrealistic body ideal. Porn wrecks self esteem of the watcher.

Pornography makes sex a game. It often depicts women being used and abused for the pleasure of a man like they are less than human. It’s animalistic in nature, makes it appear like women enjoy being weak and violated, and it’s no wonder it creates a false opinion of what women want and how they should be treated. Porn destroys healthy sexual relationships in marriage by trying to twist them into something they were never meant to be.

Pornography is an outlet for sexual pleasure. It’s an easy way for men and women alike to self-satisfy without the messy (to mean, it requires) work of a real sexual encounter with their mate. I’ll be blatantly honest at this point for the purposes of this post. Neither myself nor my husband masturbate. When we want sexual satisfaction we find it with each other. Even when we’re tired or we’re not in the mood individually we will get there for the other. There’s no time or need for another sexual outlet in our relationship. We’ve got that base covered just fine. Porn takes the place of healthy, frequent sex in marriage.

Pornography is real. I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that porn isn’t cheating because it’s not real people who are a real threat. It’s just a movie, or just a magazine, but what we forget is behind that camera there’s real people having real sex. They’re getting paid to have sex on screen to give you sexual pleasure. So how is that much different than prostitution? How can a wife get mad at their husband for messaging a woman on Facebook, but not bat an eye when he ejaculates over the image of a real woman being sodomized on the TV screen? Don’t for a minute think that he’s not picturing her face when he later has sex with you. Just being honest.

Because here’s the truth about porn. It seeps inside your mind and changes how you view intimacy. It changes how you are sexually excited, and it creates a wedge between a husband and wife even if they aren’t immediately aware. It’s a gateway drug to infidelity, and it’s a substitution for intimacy in your own home. It’s a lie that twists the perception of the viewer and tries to diminish its participation in the destruction of so many lives.

Have you ever wondered about the people on the screen? Or is it easier to imagine they aren’t real? Sadly they are real people with real hurts that cause them to make the choices they do. Some are victims of child abuse, sex trafficking, or other atrocities you don’t even want to fathom. They are real people being violated and humiliated for your viewing pleasure. Imagine if that was your daughter on that screen? Or your son? If you wouldn’t want to watch your own child in a porn then why do you not have a problem watching someone else’s child on the TV?

I don’t say any of this from a pedestal, but rather from a regrettable place. I’ve been there, done that, and told myself there was really no harm. I told myself it was fun, and I told myself it was helping my marriage rather than admitting the truth that it was killing it. One factor (among many) in the dissolution of my first marriage was an acceptance of pornography in our lives. I never want my words to be received as condemning, but rather me trying to pass along the things I’ve learned along the way.

Last night, I explained to my current husband that women were different than men. Sex for men is more physical, while sex for women is more emotional. Often times women will accept pornography into their marriage because they think it’s a nice additive to the sexual relationship. They like the fantasy, and their husbands like it all. Many women think porn is just something you do in your relationship, like buying lingerie to spice things up. What we don’t see is that porn is a sneaky mistress we let inside our marriages that steals our husbands’ hearts.

Laugh all you want, and say that I’m taking it too seriously, but perhaps consider this. You are worthy. While I share from experience, mostly I share from a place of love. Because you are worthwhile, and you are special and precious. And you are all your husband needs. Or you should be! When God saw Adam was lonely He created Eve. He didn’t create Eve and a good DVD. Eve was enough, and so are you. There shouldn’t be room in your marriage bed for any other woman, even the one you think is “fake” on the television. Women should be demanding complete monogamy and faithfulness in their marriages because we deserve it. We tell ourselves porn isn’t competing with us or taking away from our marriages, but that is the biggest lie out there. Porn is destroying marriages, the lives of the people on the screen, and the minds and ideals of anyone who views it. It’s the most accepted form of spiritual death out there, and sadly most wives are okay with it. It’s the sneaky mistress we open the door for and invite inside on a regular basis, and until we lock the door to it, our marriages will continue to suffer.

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