What Your Favorite Beer Says About You Because It’s Apparently National Beer Day
Local Craft Beer
If you only drink craft and local, lets be honest, youre annoying and pretentious about it. You say shit like hoppy on the reg and if someone tosses you a Bud Light at a party youre a dick and turn it down and make some snarky-ass comment about how you only drink “the real stuff”. Youre definitely a mega hipster and have a shit ton of bumper stickers on your car, probs of all your favorite breweries around town. You also voted for Bernie in the primaries and are still bringing up Hillary’s emails every chance you get”Corrupt Clinton” might as well be your Tinder bio at this point.
Youre definitely a skinny betch if this is your go-to. You probs would rather have a vodka soda (wouldnt we all) but you occasionally want to come off as the cool girl who can hang with the guys, even if we all see right through it immediately. Ariana from is def a fan Michelob Ultra. You dont drink beer with the guys and have a body like that.
Guinness And Other Dark Shit
Guinness drinkers are blackout betches. You probs are just starting off the night and plan on working your way up to something way harder but instead of starting with a casual light beer, you dont waste any time and hit the ground running. Because of this commitment to the buzz, youre also a BSCB. You get in fights at the bar and your friends have bailed you out of jail at least twice. Be careful tonight.
Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light, etc.
Tbh, everyone drinks this shit so its hard to classify you as a specific type of betch. But Im just gonna focus on the people who designate it as their favorite. A lot like your beer choice, you are completely and totally average. Theres nothing terrible about you, but youre not memorable either. Youre the friend that the group forgot came out until they scrolled through drunken Instas, and if you had a nickname it would probably be “Egg Whites.”
The beer of the basics. Jambo! From grapefruit and lemon in the summertime to pumpkin in the fall, there is a beer for every fucking time of year and extras love them, because is it even a winter month if you dont have a peppermint beer to drink and/or post a pic of?
If you drink this, you have a Salt Life sticker on your Jeep and all your posts involve you on vacay in front of a body of water. Youre probs naturally hot (fucking bitch) and like shit like surfing. We get it, you went to Cabo one timeand no, despite how much you post about it, we are not going to “take you back.”
Betches who prefer only European beer studied abroad for one summer and never miss a chance to tell you about it. And ordering a European beer is the perfect segueto do that. After one sip, you start talking about how it reminds you of that month they spent on the Amalfi Coast and how it opened your eyes to a whole new world and bunch of other shit weve all heard a million times and DGAF about. Never mind the fact that everybody in Italy drinks wine so you kind of sound like an idiot.
Natty, Busch, etc.
First of all, what are you doing reading this? You probably need your parents’ permission to be on this site right now seeing as you are most likely an actual child. Natty Light and its equivalents taste like actual piss water (not like we would know for sure), and if youre over the age of 15 and drink this you need to really reevaluate where your life is headed. Maybe take National Beer Day as an opportunity to broaden your horizons.
If you drink sours, youre a whole different level of hipster. Youre the hipster thats so committed to doing the cool new hip thing that you dont even care that what youre drinking is nasty af and tastes like straight vinegar. Tbh, I admire that level of dedication.
A cider is good and all, but its not a fucking beer. If this is your drink of choice on a day that honors BEER, youre phony afa lot like your beverage. You pretend to be one thing when really youre something totally different and trust me, we can all tell that you’re basically just apple juice with a slight kick.